I never wanted to grow up but the world
around changed its face so often I had
to keep up somehow.

Even the morning and nights changed colours
but my tiny room still was the same but then
one can't spend 24 hours in the same room even
if one has a high speed broadband computer and
a geek and so even before i could realise I
was spoilt, if growing up means spoilt.

Now it is a struggle in the reverse order i,e
containing myself from the virus, saving the soul
from being maligned. putting restrictions, drawing
boundaries, making promises and then keeping them.

Often I don't make sense to myself and the people
around me. May be with the growing age, the thoughts
are spreading @ 10 to the power infinity and with it
the tentacles of morality and immorality are intertwining
my voices and attimes even the silence, which are incoherent.

Why is growing up so difficult or is it only me who
feels something like that. Is it who is the main apple
of discord, the vortex of all evil, the bed of inappropriate
and inexplicable thoughts.

I feel random these days a lot and also very ambiguous
in my thoughts and deeds, so much so that I blame myself
for growing up. But then it is not something I wanted or
longed for. I told you, I had to just keep up and I am
still striving to do that.